Today marks the official first day of my second trimester and I am incredibly happy to see the changes in my body and my days. I no longer start my morning cursing my husband, myself, and my precious baby for that awful feeling I wake up to. Morning sickness is not the best memory to first associate your growing baby with. But I have been morning sickness free for over a week now and enjoying every minute of it, every minute that I am not staring at my growing belly that is.
While I still look fairly small the growing bump is shouting "baby on board!" and less "ate too much at lunch!" Which actually has leaving me with mixed feelings of joy and confusion. While I was prepared for all that comes with a newborn baby I somehow forgot all the different things I would feel in the growing process. As someone who once gained nearly 90 pounds in three months due to a failing thyroid gland I expected changes in my body. But these changes are much different than the changes I experienced before. Before I knew that what was happening to my body was not a result of something I was doing, and I felt as if I were a prisoner in my own body. Not in control of it or even aware of it, just sort of passing from one day to the next wishing that I were in fact not the person I was seeing in the mirror. Now however, the feelings I am experiencing are altogether different. My body is growing much more slowly. I do not feel trapped in my body, but I also do not feel alone. I feel as if there is some other force controlling my movements, my hunger, and my discomfort. As my skin tightens and stretches I feel like I am watching something incredibly strange yet normal happen to me. As if my body were indeed meant to do this, which of course it is. I am slowly realizing that I am sharing my body with someone else, and that person is not quite in control either, but we are along for this ride together.
This all became so much more apparent to me when I was sitting at the Doctor's office at the beginning of the week having my first real glimpse at my growing baby. The way that the baby moves inside of me was incredible. The little hand brushing past the face so quickly made my husband and myself almost cry. Especially when we heard the heartbeat. Now I spend most of my days staring at the printout of my little baby on my refrigerator, as the background on my phone, and computer. I cannot help but look at the beautiful little baby every chance I get. And I sincerely hope that feeling never goes away.
