All expectant, new, and veteran Mums know how hard it is to keep your baby safe. You just never stop to consider that you might be the one putting your baby in danger. As a first-time expectant Mum I have already begun my baby proofing process. I have considered all the frightening things out there to deal with once my baby is born, strangers, suffocation, sleepless nights, and those are just the "s's"! I never stopped to consider that I was already putting my baby at great risk by simply living my own life. I have cut out all bad habits in pregnancy, stopped drinking coffee, stay off my back while I sleep, I do not eat lunch meat, soft cheeses, or sushi. But no matter how many things I cut out I still managed to put my baby at risk, and all I did was go to work.
As a special education teacher I know more about my students than most teachers. I have a rapport with their parents, I know their health background, and their likes and dislikes. When you work with Autistic, disabled, or learning challenged children you spend extra time with each child. It is a wonderful environment and I have loved my job, and refuse to give it up. I help each of my kids everyday, and I cannot imagine not being there to help them when they need it. However, I did not ever consider that being with my students would risk my own child. Since the school system where I live works in many different districts each school goes back at different times of the year. My own classes do not start until the 26th of September. But other schools have been back for several weeks. As a way to stay active in summer months, and keep a steady paycheck, I substitute for other schools. And this summer I put my own unborn baby at risk by substituting for a special needs class that I was not familiar with. A new school that does not disclose past medical history about students to substitute teachers other than vital classroom needed information put me in a position I never assumed I would be in. I had a child come to school that has never been vaccinated, and this child had a severe case of Chicken pox. Of course the case was not discovered until mid-day at school. When it became apparent that not only the other students and the three teachers were exposed, but so was my unborn baby.
As a first-time expectant Mum I freaked out, I will admit to a full-fledged freak out. After reading the March of Dimes information about exposure to chicken pox while pregnant I was very concerned. Many birth defects can result from exposure including blindness and miscarriage. After carrying my miracle baby for so long, almost 20 weeks, after being told I could not conceive, I was terrified that I had caused irreparable harm to my baby. Reassurance from my husband, and my family was not helping. I knew if something were wrong I would feel guilty. For two weeks I have waited and waited for test results and signs of infection. But thankfully I seem to have evaded the danger. I have an ultrasound this Thursday for a final look at the baby and I know I will feel better after that, but I am still terrified that I have been the one to cause my beautiful precious gift some sort of harm. At least I know this is only the beginning of the unending fear, love, and guilt I will feel over my precious baby, perhaps it is the best reassurance to know that I am not the only mother experiencing all of these emotions on a daily basis.
