I Am Crap At Dealing With My Cluttered Email

I admit it! I am CRAP at dealing with my email clutter. You may be thinking oh sure she has a few emails unread or left unsorted. Sorry, but I WISH that was the case. I am so terrible at dealing with my email clutter it has almost become a phobia. I wake up thinking, "I should check my email," the very idea almost makes my skin crawl. IF I check it, I will be bombarded with all my unread, unsorted, ungodly mess of an inbox that I actually shrink in fear. I hold on to 100's even 1000's of emails unsure of how to deal with my issue. At the moment my inbox is so overcrowded I am shocked it does not spit out incoming emails in disgust and simply decline to accept any more refuse, as it must see all the contents shoved within it as nothing but waste.

I almost feel as if I must join EA (Emails Anonymous) and own up to my inability to deal with my email. I should stand up in front of a crowd and admit my inabilities to attack a simple task like de-cluttering my own email. But unfortunately I never do. I once waited 6 months before deleting a single email. My inbox was so full that when I went to download a new email I had time to check on my kids, make sure they had finished their homework, planned a meal for dinner, and folded a load of laundry. All of this while one email loaded. I know I have a problem. I actually believe the reason my computer runs so slowly is the simple fact that it is wading through too many emails. I have this vision that there must be a woman living in my computer, acting as its brain, and she has this long hallway full of doors and behind these doors is each program I use on my computer. She must walk daily down this corridor and hear the rumbling, clattering, raucous noises coming from behind the door marked inbox. She too is afraid to stand too close to this door for fear of being a casualty of the worst avalanche ever recorded in the history of the world. And as a computer brain she must know all the avalanche histories.

Perhaps I should just sit down right now and tackle this beast and try to delete whatever I can. It would be a simple task, I just need to click that very important button marked "delete." Or perhaps I should simply buy a new computer and get a new email. It may be less invasive.